put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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