i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
