absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
