Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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