Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
