i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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