Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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