my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
