I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
