she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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