You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wish there were birth control emojis
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
