This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
