Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
