Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
