"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
