i think i have two assholes
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
