Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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