If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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