I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
