Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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