Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
