I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
