I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
