the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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