does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
