Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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