hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
