I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm sobbing to NWA
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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