I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if only i could text you this smell
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
