My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
