Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
