what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
