I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We left the knife in your bed.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
