when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
