Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
