have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
