If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
