Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
