every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He? As in you personified your dick?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
