i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
