She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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