he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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