but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
