Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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