I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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