I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
