You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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