life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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