Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
