it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
