your thong is hanging out like whoa
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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